It occurred to me today, as I pass through this time of loss with my family, that I am observing a kind of mourning phenomena that must have escaped me before, at least this particular understanding of it. I see different ones of us opening our hearts ever so gradually (and fragilely) a bit at a time, to allow admittance to a little more manageable piece more of the reality of the loss of this dear one, as we sense we may be able to “manage” or deal with it somehow, at least well enough so that we can continue to function in the everyday world.
It is not a process that is parceled or portioned out deliberately on our parts, but one that goes on unconsciously. It seems some kind of built-in protective mechanism with which our human souls have been equipped for times of grief and sorrow like this one for us, to keep us from being completely overwhelmed and undone by it. Still we cannot say that we are not overwhelmed and undone by it.
There does for some come a time when the overwhelming flood rushes past our emotional turnstile so to speak setting it all a spin or awhirl, when a big chunk of the reality of the loss registers. And that too is healthy and need not be resisted. All of it, little and big in seismic shocks, adds up eventually to something that passes so imperfectly for closure. But it is probably also true that the entirety of the reality never fully registers while we travel this side of eternity.
trbarlow 